Women, Literature, and Fiery Red Thongs

By: Raya Fahreza

I''m sure that there's been numerous surveys and market research towards books which in the end suggests that women reads more than men. Girls read more than guys, right, no surprises there since us guys have always been generalized as the less sophisticated and less mature of the species. While the latter accusation is open for debate, I think it's true that at least women takes reading and literature more seriously than us Neanderthals. Here we're not just talking about Cosmo and its fabulous tips on low carbo diet, tae-bo and how to keep 'mr.happy' in a playful mood. And no, not just the chick-lit series with hip titles like Shopaholic or Fashionista. I'm talking literature, Kahlil Gibran and the likes, stuff like Kafka, you know, the kind of shit guys like me won't even begin to comprehend.

That's right. Women reads stuff. My 28 years old kid sister has never been seen without a book, seems like she can't live without one, it's like an addiction, a necessity. She reads so many books about so many serious and 'deep' subjects, from light literature, to poems, to chick-lit, to new age stuffs. Not only her, almost all my girl friends reads something. I suppose you guys notice this, right? There's no need for a survey data to tell us, heck, just take a look at the profiles at internet communities. Girls will list down the titles of the books they read while I can only say that I prefer magazines.

What tickles me is not the fact that I prefer practical and current information over other non-factual interesting reads, but it's the thing about poetry and stuff. I can understand artistic _expression, beautiful words just like a good lyric of a good song but some of this artsy stuff is getting to be more of a bunch of gibberish to me. It's like the writer's high on something and writes them down into supposedly beautiful, er, poem, or, prose, literature, whatever. And women, or at least women I know really digs this stuff! They really took them into heart. They seemed to get all emotional with them. Inspired, touched, enlightened, hell, a girl friend once told me that there's this one poem that can actually give her an orgasm! Wonder if she was really just reading at the time...

Obviously, this literature thingy begins to be as important for me. I want to be able to understand women. I want to be able to inspire women with my writings, to touch them emotionally by my words. I want to help women gain sexual satisfaction simply with a bunch of fancy words on a piece of paper! Such a mysterious super power! But hold up, apparently there are other stuff they really really like.

They are called self-help books. Before you guys start to scream and shout in joy of approval, these so called self-help books are not what you think. Yes, sports fans, they don't use these reading materials the way you guys use Playboy or Penthouse magazines and oh, please spare me the one about 'buying them for their interesting articles' especially if the damp stack of literature found in your toilets are magazines by the name of Hustler. Self-help books are supposedly light educational reading material aimed to help the reader achieve a target by providing useful tips, insights, and inspiring short stories that can motivate the reader.

Titles like, if I remember it correctly, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People", or "Who Moved My Cheese" spawned many spin-offs and variants. There's one huge franchise in the business category, started by this one titled "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". Now that one I think is actually good and it made sense but that's not the interesting thing about these self help books' content. What I really like to point out here is that most of the supposedly useful tips, tricks and insights are simple and known you'd-know-about-them-all-otherwise-you're-stupid common sense! These books are not telling us too many new things! It's downright silly if you need them. In fact, needing them would mean that you need a book to remind you –or even worse- let you know what is common sense!

Now back to women as the main topic, I also have met many women who really goes for this kind of stuff! They'd go into bookstores and really shop for these shit! I thought women had more common sense than us guys by default, why would you need so much of those? I believe that when we have reached a certain age and maturity, and at least a standard level of intellectuality, we already know pretty much all the right thing to do. We do not need to comprehend them further because they are simple logic, what we usually have trouble on is actually practicing them. But hey, for guys, if you think you're smart enough to get out of your cave and actually approach a female without your wooden hunting club, or namely to actually have intelligent conversation with the opposite of sex, then this is your chance. Ah hah! We have found a weakness in the oh-so-divine maturity and intellectuality of women!

Unfortunately, failed attempts by many of the male species to impress the female by means of verbal cerebral-based conversations just further proved the male are intellectually inferior. A logical self help tip here, guys, listen up morons, alcohol and nicotine does not make you smart! Make sure you know what you're doing before you try to talk and sound smart, read something beforehand, not so much, just be prepared.

Remember the old standards in high school. The cool guys and the jocks don't read as much as the geeks and the nerds? Those lettermen and cute boys usually are not as literate as the others but as for girls nowadays? Whoa! The same rule does not apply! Whether she's a sweater-and-cardigan-wearing-thick-eye glassed-desk jockey or a really really hot babe who struts around with low cuts, hipsters and fiery red thongs, she'll quickly name a couple of books upon questioning!

I don't really know if it's the universal standard or I just happen to be surrounded by these well-read women, but I think we men may have to read something more than automobile magazines, sports pages, and the comics. Then we really have to get our own stuff going on like those FHM or Ralph magazines, except in the form of books! Yes I can see it right now! The men's answer to Chick-lit! Thug-lit!

Yes! Thug-lit! and the tagline would say "Not Getting Laid And Happy!". We'll have titles like 'Shoplifting' or 'Autonista', and maybe for me, 'Weaponista'. We'll be just as sophisticated, but by our own rights! As for poetry and all that stuff, well, I think I speak for every men ot there that while we still prefer to try and give women sexual satisfaction the old fashioned way, we'd love to see you come to a poem every now and then...

And oh, as you can see I don't talk about thongs in this one, but it sounded nice for a title...